Thursday Thirteen #1

Yes, I’ve done these before but it’s been forever and a few hours since I have and felt it was only fair then to start over at 1. I’m not so good on the follow through…like it’s not obvious.

 Thirteen things I want for the impending birthday of doom on 12/1. (By doom, of course, I mean “30″)

1. To Not Be 30: Yah, I went with the obvious first. Best to just get it out of the way. If I was allowed to pick an age I’ve already been, seriously, I would probably pick 25.

2. A Planned Party: I do not, under any circumstances, want to be the one to plan a stupid party for this birthday. For some irrational reason it just feels sad to have to plan a birthday that I’m not all that excited about. Of course I will have to plan the family dinner thing where April is included as always (at Jaliscos)…I happily accept that. However, if it is left up to me, there will be no party, and I’m okay with that. I’m not kidding.

3. The DSM IV: I’m a huge geek. I’m okay with that too.

4. A Day Off: I suppose I’m cheating on this one because my birthday is on a Saturday this year…’day off’ is a given.

5. Shoes…Piles And Piles Of Shoes: What a wonderful thing that would be. Shoes.

6. 90210 On DVD: As shown here. Season 1, 2, and/or 3. I’m juvenile and that’s okay. It’s just not all that satisfying to rent them and know that I must give them back.

7. TV Armoire: Like these. There is nothing I hate more than seeing cords and such laying around everywhere in my living room. It’s clutter.

8. An A In Statistics: I realize this one is all up to me but I thought it deserved to be here too. If I can get an A in statistics then I can prove once and for all that I’m not really that stupid when it comes to mathematical stuff.

9. A Personal Human Alarm Clock: I cannot wake up in the morning. I just can’t. I try and I can’t. For my birthday this year I would like a human that wakes me up reliably every single morning. They could drive by every weekday, bang on my door, and then drive off. That would be fine.

10. New Job: Working on this one already really.

11. A House: I know…it’s just a wish list damn it.

12. Some More of These Reed Diffuser Things: They smell all good.

13. Tattoo, Or Maybe A Piercing Somewhere: Discreet and tasteful, of course…but just maybe I can force myself through a mini mid-life crisis now so that by the time I’m 40 I’m perfectly adjusted and avoid any freak outs.

I missed you Thursday Thirteen. (I must admit…some of these things, I really do want for my birthday…I realize that much of it is unreasonable. But then again, when did I ever claim to be reasonable?)

Miss Snizz, Musings and Mommy Stuff. Just A Diamond In The Rough, Jehara, Third World Country, Miss WisabusGet the Thursday Thirteen code here!

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Some Things

~~Two movies that I absolutely adore and that you should see as well if you haven’t already:

Marie Antoinette (if for no other reason than to see the shoes!!)

Conversations With God

~~I’m totally supposed to be where I’m at professionally. I had a client tell me that they trust me today. It may seem insignificant to some but in that world it means a great deal.

~~As if we didn’t need reminding? He really is just trash with money. Oh wait…isn’t that what his album was called? Weird.

~~Quick…take a look before I upload more!

~~Best. Thing. Ever. Coach sends you hand written thank you notes when you make purchases there. Seriously.

In a strangely calm moment…

Humans are funny; and I use the word funny in all its possible connotations.

We all run around for the years that we’re here looking in every nook and cranny for some type of purpose or meaning. All of us do. Even if there are some of us that don’t appear to be doing that because of the choices we make or because we lost our way, we’re still doing that somewhere on the inside. Failing to find meaning or purpose can lead to some pretty destructive paths…of course all of the obvious ones-drugs, alcohol, depression, abusing others. Some of those paths are not so obvious; they’re more subtly destructive.

I think there is a moment for most of us when we actually realize with full consciousness that we truly are only here for a short time. I know that sounds a little ridiculous. Duh-we don’t live forever. But I think that for a while we go through life content with leaving that fact in a place of our minds that we don’t visit very often. I know I was content with doing that.

It’s a heady thing to think about; that all of the stuff we obtain throughout life is really meaningless in the end…cars, houses, clothes, stereos, toys, jewelry (yes…I know it’s a sin to say it, but even shoes). Feelings are the only things that last and they only last through other people that stay around after we’re gone. I have truly come to understand that deeper motivation that some of us have for having kids. Besides that part of ourselves that lasts when we’re gone, if that’s part of the purpose for some us that doesn’t get fulfilled the meaningless can cause varying degrees of crazy.

Problem is, when all of this is figured out what comes behind it is the realization of how difficult it can actually be to fulfill whatever it is that we’re supposed to do. Humans are human and despite all the great things about us individually we put ourselves into interactions with other humans that are just human. We make mistakes, we get afraid, scared. Unfortunately most of us never get to a point where we are truly comfortable with really letting someone in to know us as well as we know ourselves. There is a deeper level of connection with another person than many of us will really know. We’re human…sometimes we hide things, we keep each other out, we don’t want to get hurt all at the same time that we search for that connection with someone that is so right it can never truly be broken. But we also don’t want to run out of time, and part of the dilemma that I face myself with sometimes is that push and pull between what my feelings want and what time will allow me.

Probably none of this makes any sense really, and that’s okay. Somewhere in my head it makes sense. Essentially what it could be boiled down to is that as much as it is wonderful because of all that we’re capable of…it’s hard to be human.

The One Where It Is Admitted

I am a shallow asshole sometimes. There, I said it. Here’s why:

With the exception of Christmas, the only day in the past couple of weeks that I truly had a happy feeling was when I was purchasing clothes and *shoes* today with oh-so precious gift cards from loving family members. I know…in a way it’s sort of horrible. No, it won’t last…it is a short-lived high, but it felt good.

I should also add however, that I did get that same happy feeling watching Sadie play at our first visit to the crack park in Belltown. The official name is Regrade park, most people I know continue to call it crack park and that’s really the way it should be. Mostly, it was seeing her happy that made me a little happy too.

What I Was Thankful For This Year

• That men like this are not the norm anymore.
• Shoes.
• A website that will spit out recipes to you after providing it precious few potential ingredients.
• That I live in a place and time that affords me choices that many others don’t/didn’t have.
• Sadie.
• The apartment that I’m in love with.
• That, while opinionated, I have been able to avoid sounding pretentiously self-righteous and judgmental…the way some bloggers tend to.
• Student loans.
• Everyone I care about, that cares back.
• Bee dogs.
• Every single episode of Friends…and the fact that Quizilla tells me that I am most like Monica.