March it out
It all comes together. Really. Not right away usually, but eventually.
The zoloft doesn’t make everything perfect and okay. It doesn’t mean I’m going to be constantly happy. It just makes it so that I can actually handle things as opposed to crumbling. It’s a nudge every day reminding me that I’m strong.
For example, when I’m stupid and my wallet/debit card/credit cards disappear and someone drains my bank account I don’t crumble. I cancel my cards and go on about my day to enjoy my family. I remember that there are things I cannot control and that if something happened, it happened and it’s done…it’s not reversible and there’s no point ruminating on it. I call my bank the next day in between clients and find out what I have to do to get my money back and corral any further check activity…then I go and do my Monday group and I give them 100%, nothing less. I continue to go on about my day, albeit broke, and I go on a walk with K, then get inspired to draft her into learning Yoga Booty Ballet with me…and we have the most wonderful time, pledging to continue and get better. I worry not about the fact that my rent check will bounce since it will take a while for my bank to reverse the fraudulent charges. I just continue and be happy while doing so.
I can take an experience for what it is without worrying so much about what might happen in the future that I forget to enjoy the moment. Enjoy the moment and then let it go. Deal with any frustration, anger, or hurt and then let it go. Or deal with being happy just for that moment and then let it go. Remember that I have no control over what someone does or does not do to me…if someone does something that I get hurt over then they do so and the only thing I can control is whether or not they have the opportunity to do it again in the future.
At my last check-up appointment my Dr. asked me how I was feeling about taking the zoloft. I told him that I was actually thinking about tapering off of it because I feel okay. It’s summer and that’s the best time to stop taking them if one is going to try doing so. He suggested that since it was only fairly recently that I really began to feel okay on it that I should consider continuing to take it. He then reminded me that winter will soon follow and that he wouldn’t advise that I stop at that point either. His suggestion was to stay on it until at least next spring. And I was okay with that because I trust him and I trust his opinion.
It wasn’t until today that I realized the true reason I was so okay with his suggestion. Because for now it allows me to handle life successfully until I feel really ready to handle it without meds. I get it.
