Thursday Thirteen #11

Thirteen Things/People/Events/Eras I miss/missed/whatever

 

It doesn’t really make sense; it’s okay.

1. Driving (miss). On a daily, mundane sort of level I don’t truly miss it. On an isolated, sometimes sort of level I do. For example, if I possessed a license, insurance, and if my car worked I would go for a drive right now in a clearing my head sort of way.

2. Dating (missed). Let me explain. I’m under the impression that there was a time in my life that I was supposed to be relating differently to men. Like, I should have spent some time relating to them on a more relaxed level between the ages of 15 and 28. I provide the caveat of “I don’t necessarily regret anything”…I just wonder that if I had done that I might be more skilled at what they call “casual dating”. For example, I could have learned how to not be so butt hurt in situations that don’t really call for it, simply because of my own issues. As such, I could have learned some grace in order to avoid creating awkward situations that I don’t really know how to deal with once they’re created. E.g. rather than pushing people away I could potentially invite them in.

3. My chair (miss). I was greeted this morning with only one chair on my patio even though two chairs bid me good night last evening. I want my other chair back. Because, really? Who steals a chair?

4. Crunk (missed). I’m not sure where I was when people started using this term to define a type of hip-hop music. I remain puzzled.

5. My P (miss). Once again I no longer work with her as she has moved on to better employment horizons. Yes I’m happy for her, but that doesn’t make it less sad right now when I see her parking spot that someone else is using now, and when I think of popping into the finance office to say hi only to realize that she’s not there anymore.

6. Pizza night (miss). Wednesday used to be pizza night at my mom’s.

7. Jen (miss). It needs no further explanation. I am fairly anxious about her memorial next week on the 1st; although I’m looking forward to getting together with mutual friends and her family, I know that it’s going to call up a lot of difficult emotions. 

8. My carpets (miss). No, I have not gone off the deep end and torn out my carpets willy-nilly (despite the burning desire to do so). They used to be clean. Two years of pets have taken their toll.

9. Pentel r.s.v.p. medium ink (miss). They no longer carry them in stores and worse yet they’re no longer in the office supply catalogs at work so I can’t sweet talk anyone into ordering them for me. It sounds crazy, I know, and I don’t care.

10. The initial choice to not smoke (missed). It’s more accurate to say that I simply chose incorrectly. At that high school party a long, long time ago I chose to try it. I’m not looking forward to the process of reversing that choice and quitting.

11.  Lola bean (miss). I haven’t had the heart to go see her yet.

12. Bay (miss). When I lived with Audrey in my first real apt (I don’t count the brief disastrous decision to move in with my ex and his sister) I used to joke with her that Bailey was the only man that would never leave me. It was funny then. Well, he left me.

13. My hair girl (miss). I really need to get up there to see her soon. Seriously.

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I love me some Brandi Carlile

I watch you grow away from me in photographs
And memories like spies
The salt betrays my eyes again
I started losing sleep and gaining weight
And wishing I was ten again
I could be your friend again

These days we go to waste like wine
That’s turned to turpentine
It’s 6 AM and I’m all messed up
I didn’t mean to waste your time
So I’ll fall back in line
But I’m warning you, we’re growing up

I heard you found some pretty words to say
You found a little game to play
And there’s no one allowed in here
And just when we believe we could be great
Reality it permeates
And conquers from within again

These days we go to waste like wine
That’s turned to turpentine
It’s 6 AM and I’m all messed up
I didn’t mean to waste your time
So I’ll fall back in line
But I’m warning you we’re growing up

 

(Turpentine-video)

Indigo Girls

These are the last tears I’m gonna cry for you
My cryin’s through I’m moving on
I don’t regret and won’t forget
A single thing that we went through
But these are the last tears I’m gonna cry for you
You take things so much easier than I do
And you could live your life without me if you had to
And you believe that in the end it all works out right
And I might if not for you
And if you ask one which one lives just alone for love
I do
There was a time when all signs pointed to the warm south
The planets all lined up and built a new house
And everything we talked about felt like a prophecy
And when you looked at me they all came true
And if you asked which one wants to go the distance
I do
I’m gonna rack my mind one last time until I cannot think
I’m gonna dip into your memory and take a good stiff drink
And when I’m drunk on the last drop of sadness about how we went wrong
I’m gonna play this song
Make some coffee black and strong
Give thanks for healing time
And finally make up my mind

Thursday **13** #4

 Thirteen of my All Time Favorite Songs

1) Moonshadow……..Cat Stevens

And if I ever lose my legs, I wont moan, and I wont beg,
Yes if I ever lose my legs, oh if…. I wont have to walk no more.
And if I ever lose my mouth, all my teeth, north and south,
Yes if I ever lose my mouth, oh if…. I wont have to talk

2) Verdi Cries……….10,000 Maniacs

Holidays must end as you know. All is memory taken home with me: the opera, the stolen tea, the sand drawing, the verging sea, all years ago.

3) Save me……….Aimee Mann

But can you save me
Come on and save me
If you could save me
From the ranks of the freaks
Who suspect they could never love anyone

4) Not a Pretty Girl……..Ani Difranco

I am not an angry girl
but it seems like I’ve got everyone fooled
every time I say something they find hard to hear
they chalk it up to my anger
and never to their own fear
and imagine you’re a girl
just trying to finally come clean
knowing full well they’d prefer you
were dirty and smiling

5) Blackbird……..Sarah McLachlan

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

6) So What’cha Want…….Beastie Boys

I get So Funny With The Money That You Flaunt
I said Where’d You Get Your Information From Huh?
You Think That You Can Front When Revelation Comes

7) Redemption Song…….Bob Marley

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.
Have no fear for atomic energy,
cause none of them can stop the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look?

8) Lullaby……….Dixie Chicks

As you wander through this troubled world
In search of all things beautiful
You can close your eyes when you’re miles away
And hear my voice like a serenade
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough

9) Stolen Away on 55th & 3rd………Dave Matthews Band

Hello again
Seem like forever between now and then
You look the same
I mean you look different but you haven’t changedFunny to think how the time gets away
Funny how you take me right back again
Stole me away
First time I saw you, you did me that way

10) Come On Home………Indigo Girls

Come on home, the team you’re hitched to has a mind of its own
But it’s just the forces of your past you’ve fought before
Come back here and shut the door
I’m stacking sandbags against the river of your troubles.

11) My Skin……….Natalie Merchant

Take a look at my body
Look at my hands
There’s so much here that I don’t understand
Your face say these promises
Whispered like prayers
I don’t need them

12) New Slang……..The Shins

I’m looking in on the good life i might be doomed never to find.
Without a trust or flaming fields am i too dumb to refine?
And if you’d ‘a took to me like
Well i’d a danced like the queen of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would ‘a fared well.

13) A Sorta Fairytale………Tori Amos

and i knew then it would be
a life long thing
but i didn’t know that we
we could break a silver liningand i’m so sad
like a good book
i can’t put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you

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Buttercup & Bean, Starla!, Jessica the Rock Chick, Christine, Crystal, Marcia

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Various And A Sundry

<>How close is too close? I know it all depends on the person. Every single relationship whether friend, lover or family member is a strange and careful dance of retreating and allowing and it fascinates me to watch it go on while being a participant.

<>An interesting side effect of anti-depressants is the ‘other-ness’ phenomena. More often than not lately I catch myself observing the day as if the day is actually happening to someone else. I have conversations as if I’m a casual third party and at times have to seriously focus to maintain mental connections in order to respond to people when it’s required of me. I think it’s a side effect of the allowance of distance from emotions so that one is controlling the feelings and not the other way around.

<>It’s strangely heartening to know that Air Supply is still performing.

<>I could never love again so much as I love you
Where you end where I begin is like a river going through
Take my eyes take my heart I need them no more
If never again they fall upon the one I so adore