I had always been under the impression that the most heartbreaking thing I have yet to experience in my lifetime was either relationships, or choosing not to have a child when the accidental opportunity arose (to be clear, experiencing the death of loved people is, I believe, in a completely different category than just heartbreak). I was wrong.
Today was the day for x-rays and a potential answer for what is now wrong with my best Sadie friend. I spent the drive to Carnation (technically, it’s Duvall, I guess) doing my best to muster a positive attitude. I reminded myself that when you take on the responsibility of loving a pet, you might have to be the one to eventually ferry them out of the world. I reminded myself that many things are treatable nowadays, even for animals. I reminded myself that sometimes things can seem really serious at first, but may turn out to be something small or easily corrected. I reminded myself that my Dad was going to meet me there to be with me and the Sadie. I thought about all these things and actually was successful in changing my outlook prior to getting to the vet.
I was painfully early, and as it turned out so was my Dad. They weighed her first, and despite the fact that she seems more bony than ever (despite the gobs of food that I feed her daily in an attempt to increase her weight) she has gained weight. That made me even more hopeful. They escorted us to a room, and being that we were painfully early we waited there for at least an hour before the vet came in to see her. While waiting, my Dad saw how hard it had become for her to get up, he had to listen to me tell the assistant all the symptoms of what I was seeing now…and he got upset. She isn’t even his dog and it made him teary to see what she was going through. On a side note: this is part of what I love about my entire family…we truly care about the things that other family members care about.
Finally the vet came in and took a look at her; he hypothesized that the weight she has at this time was water weight which is apparently indicative of a tumor. I actually was holding it mostly together until he said that word…tumor. Then I lost it…and my Dad lost it a little more. The vet also mentioned that what was going on with her is that she is losing muscle mass, which is why it is so hard for her to get up. Apparently if there is a tumor her body would be using up whatever she ate so fast, regardless of how much she was eating, that it would also move on to her muscles. Also, tumors can apparently grow so quickly that even though she had x-rays not even a month ago…one could have developed in that short time. When it came time to do x-rays with her to see if a tumor was visible, the vet actually picked her up and carried her into the back (this reminded me of why I drive an hour to see this particular vet).
We mostly waited in silence for the vet to bring Sadie girl back, and then to wait for the results. And I did my best to cuddle her on the linoleum floor that she couldn’t get up from. It was pretty awful.
Interestingly though, when he brought the x-rays back, he asked how much, exactly, she’d had to eat recently. I mentioned that my neighbor had her last night and knowing that she’s having weight issues, fed her generously…and that she’d also had breakfast. He showed us the x-rays and what we saw was some ribs, and what looked like a whole lot of food. Which is good…but also bad. All that food caused the results to be inconclusive; he couldn’t tell anything really. What I have to do now is avoid feeding her after about 2pm tomorrow and then take her back on Monday afternoon. This also, is good and bad. Good in that, I still have time to hope that it is something less serious than a tumor…bad, in that, if that’s what it is, it just prolongs the “dealing with it for real” moment. Also bad because I know that she’s going to be painfully hungry tomorrow evening.
But then I came home and did my own research online. I found something called cushings disease, which can manifest itself by increased water consumption, increased appetite, abdomninal enlargement (the “water weight”), and hair loss/thin skin. Cushings disease has something to do with the natural steroid-like chemicals in a dog’s body and therefore, if a dog is on steroids for something else it seems reasonable that a dog might develop this as a result. Maybe. I don’t know. All I know is that this is significantly less serious than a tumor.
There are two things that I know after today:
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My family is so wonderful. Today my Dad sat at the vet with me for hours, so patiently, just to be there and be supportive. He even cried with me. I’m so lucky for the people that care about me (and that care about my dogs even).
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Little Lola knows that something is wrong. She is never more than a millimeter away from Sadie recently.
