As irritating as my job sometimes is…

It is at the same time incredibly humbling and astonishing.

Today a client hugged me because we called their probation officer together. They asked permission (to hug) first and they were so excited and grateful looking that I wasn’t about to say something awful like, ”actually, it’s best to maintain professional boundaries”. Sometimes, you’re just supposed to accept a hug. Their absolute genuine gratitude actually caused me to feel momentarily awkward. When I took a good look in their eyes they were almost crying a little.

Then something hit me that I forget now and again by getting stuck in my own little world more than I really need to. I also swiftly kicked myself a little because forgetting it and then remembering it always helps me feel like a bit of a jerk. Not to mention reminds me (if I’m at work) that I’m not doing such a consistently hot  job of connecting with the people I’m working with.

It’s just too easy to lose sight of the reality that we can not measure ourselves emotionally and/or spiritually against others. I think doing so often results in communicating some belief of superiority over another, a belief that probably (hopefully) isn’t even real, but is demonstrated just the same. I also think, in the moment, we may not even be aware that it’s happening.

I know a lot of things on paper about my clients: their drug history, medical history, prior legals, various types of abuse they’ve suffered and the mental health diagnosis that almost always comes along with all of that. Those aren’t even the important parts really. The important part of it is trying to understand how each person experienced it all (and more importantly, where they’re at with it) which is the very first step in helping them move beyond it and change behavior and choices going forward.

Today, for example, what that hug told me eventually (when I tuned back into life) is that someone was purely relieved to have someone with them for once, to face something pretty overwhelming rather than having to face it alone as usual. On the other hand, isn’t it nice for me that I have a fair amount of people that I can turn to when I feel like something is too difficult to face by myself? In my split second comparison of emotional experience that I wasn’t even consciously aware of at the time, I initially saw their reaction as exaggerated. Frankly, it didn’t hit home until they said how nice it was for someone to do something for them and not expect something in return. On the other hand, isn’t it nice for me that whatever happened in my past, I’ve gotten to a place where I’m healthy enough to avoid people who are abusive and will only take advantage? Complacency is not something that only plagues addicts.

Morals of the story:

• Today I ended up feeling like an asshole but it was good to be reminded of something that I forget too often; not only at work but also in my personal life.
• It’s unreasonable to have expectations of others because they are mainly based on our own experiences.
• What might seem small to you can seem huge to someone else, and vice versa.