Archive for December, 2008

All I wanted to do was a bit of laundry

December 30, 2008 at 11:21 am · Filed under Fam, Governmentish, Health, Holidays, Managing, Work

That’s it. Maybe some cleaning that really needs to be done before a single person sets foot in my apt on Wednesday evening. But at least some laundry, because the pile of it had become a house of its own in the back room of my tiny apt.

The day was overwhelming to say the least, after many days of not being at work to handle the stuff that piles up so willingly. I almost stayed way late to get more done than I could in a 8 hour day, but decided against it, because I have my own life too. I may have been better off staying at work.

I arrived home and was greeted by the same SUV that has been blocking the apt alleyway for the past four days…the alleyway that conveniently holds our huge dumpsters that are now overflowing…because the parking “authority” didn’t think it was all that important the first four times I called. So I called them again because officially it is now an abandoned vehicle per their definition. I was told it could be up to two weeks before they get to it. The garbage is already overflowing.

Fine. They don’t care and I’m doing what I can do. So I continued on to pile up a couple of bedrooms of laundry from the newly formed house and plodded up to the laundry room. It took me a second to realize that the laundry room was less bright than it regularly is. A light out. A light requiring a bulb that has to be special ordered and that I don’t have on hand because I”m not “on top of” one single thing in my life right now. Nice.

I’m probably over dramatizing, I tend to do that. The light broke the proverbial camel’s back however. It’s amazing how much things can break. That’s what today made me think of especially after a conversation I had earlier in the day.

My family postponed our routine Christmas eve dinner until this past Saturday due to the inclement weather. It sounds silly, but every year my uncle lovingly builds what he calls the “chili pepper lounge” (named so because he puts up chili pepper lights rather than Christmas lights) on the back deck for those of us in the family that make the poor decision to smoke. Usually he will come out at some point and smoke a cigar. He did this as usual on Saturday. Only, the lounge did not hold chili pepper lights this year. He couldn’t find them and instead put up blue and green lights. Seahawks for those of you that don’t know. We remarked on the lack of chili pepper lights and he explained laughingly that instead we had Seahawks lights. I made some disparaging comment about football which (although I don’t really hate football and actually enjoy going to the games) is just what I do and he returned said comment by saying in general that as far as sports in Seattle this past year, things couldn’t get much worse.

I just couldn’t leave it alone (as per usual) and said, “well…they could always sell the Seahawks next year”. Nice, Kelly. However, he did concede his point and say, “well, I suppose things could get worse”.

It’s really nice and quaint to say that “things couldn’t get much worse” in various situations and referring to various things. The fact of the matter is, things can always break a little more. As small as they’ve been reduced to they can always get smaller, and a little bit worse even if the “worse” seemed incomprehensible. We did split the atom after all.

Things can break more at any time, and some things continue to break a little more over periods of time until one day it’s too obvious to ignore, and sometimes they are beyond one person’s control. The little dutch boy in the popular fable did his best with the whole dike thing, but one person can’t fix something alone, or even hold things as they are alone. I know that as I get older I’m supposed to accept this more gracefully…the whole “I can’t fix everything” and “I can’t keep people from arguing or fighting”. The truth of the matter is that it doesn’t get easier to accept. It actually seems to get more frustrating.

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Home electronics

December 25, 2008 at 7:11 am · Filed under Fam, Holidays

My nephew really wants a Wii for Christmas. He has been asking for one, I”m told. I also have the knowledge that probably everyone else in the house including my Mom would really enjoy having it as well. When people I love want something, I want to get it for them. It’s a heartwarming thought, isn’t it?

What could possibly be wrong with that? Couple it with my tendency to procrastinate and it becomes a problem. Naively I thought I could make some phone calls last night and find one. I know.

Fascinatingly I just happened to check craigslist on a whim. First add that came up had been posted ten minutes prior. Never been used Wii system for $300. Fine. I called the guy and luckily he picked up; I say lucky because he mentioned that he had already missed four calls. I told him that somehow, someway I would make it to Lynnwood the next morning to pick it up. He said that if he didn’t hear from me by 11 he would sell it to someone else. Okay.

I called my Dad this morning, who had thankfully offered to help me buy all the Wii accourtrements and stuff, and explained the situation. He has 4 wheel drive; we decided to make a trip of it. So, about 9:30am we were headed to Lynnhood (misspelling on purpose). I had already called the Wii guy twice and left  messages. I had received no response. At that point I became a tad concerned since we were already driving up there, but thought that maybe he was still sleeping, or out to xmas eve breakfast, or whatever it is that other people do on xmas eve morning.

4 wheel drive got us there safely and efficiently…with still no word from the Wii guy. So, we sat in the Lynnhood park & ride parking lot chatting. I drove around in the snow packed parking lot for a while, which was great fun. At 10:15 with still no response from the Wii guy my disappointed Dad suggested we get some breakfast at the local Ihop. I felt bad for him having driven all the way up there for what I thought was nothing, he was disappointed thinking that probably the guy had sold it to someone else who offered more money and was losing some faith in the humanity of others.

We sat down to breakfast and chatted some more. I sadly called my sister and told her the news and asked her to just do some checking on craigslist to see if anyone else happened to have one for sale. I asked if he would be happy with an xbox and she said that he had been asking for a Wii (that is actually when I learned this fact). Okay.

10:45am the Wii guy finally calls. He had stayed up too late and slept very late. I almost got on the floor of the Ihop and thanked the heavens above (thankfully I restrained myself because lord only knows what was on that floor). The God of a Wii guy said that he would meet us at the Ihop. My Dad’s faith in people was restored. I was happy that, yes, my nephew would certainly get his Wii for xmas and that the trip hadn’t turned out to be one big disappointment in other humans. My Dad thanked the guy when he got there for keeping his word and the Wii guy did say that other people had offered him more money than he was asking to sell it to them right then. Bless him. I would have hugged him if he had gotten out of the car.

We proceeded to Best Buy to get my little nephew everything that he would need to be able to play the day of xmas, which of course he will want to do. All in all it was a really good xmas eve day, even though earlier in the day our Aunt had postponed the normal xmas eve festivities due to the weather. I got to spend the day with my Dad which I don’t normally have a chance to do, my nephew and family will get their Wii, and I have the rest of the evening to relax and wrap presents.

Although…unfortunately, some of what I will be wrapping will be pictures of what I had ordered online which, due to the stupid ass weather, I was not able to receive yet. Happy Christmas!

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I was actually worried that I would get “the pink slip” today

December 18, 2008 at 9:44 am · Filed under Health, Managing, Men, Work

I care not that it makes me sound certifiable…I woke up too anxious to leave my apartment today. Staying in bed for a bit with the most loyal and also obnoxious labs that ever lived helped to decrease the anxiety a bit.

Until I checked my cell phone and saw that one of my supervisors had called. Uh-oh. Dutifully I returned the call and it went a little like this:

Me (no I did not initiate an actual greeting b/c my number is in his cell): Are you calling to fire me?

Him: No, I was calling to ask something about a client but I figured it out, it’s okay. (Inside I sighed the most relieved sigh ever emitted).

Me: I’m sorry that my anxiety has gotten the best of me, it should get better soon after my med appt yesterday. I thought you might be calling me to fire me.

Him: No, that wouldn’t happen…no one wants to deal with having to do drug court reports. (Don’t I know it).

So, in part I think they keep me because the job that I do, no one else wants to have to do. Sometimes, I don’t even want to do it as much as I love my job.

Although today, I channeled my anxiety in a more positive way than simply shutting myself inside. I signed a lease with someone and collected money which we so desperately need at this time, I updated my apt collection reports, and I faxed in some more applications.

And tomorrow I will return to work on a new med level…and also to collect one of the lattes I won in a bet because it didn’t snow, just as I thought it wouldn’t. :)

On a complete side note, I have a dinner date on Friday which I’m pretty pleased about.

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I want an award

December 17, 2008 at 7:09 am · Filed under Dogishness, Health, Managing, Public Transportation

I’m serious. I’ll tell you why.

I want an award specifically intended for distinguished multi-tasking in just a few hours while en route to one medical appointment today. Apparently I’m capable of a lot. Who knows…if I did really put all my potential to use maybe I could retire by the age of 40.

Today I:

  1. Organized all available apartments to be rekeyed so that they are ready when apps are approved.
  2. Organized the replacing of a mail key that was lost by a tenant.
  3. Organized, with much drama (to clarify, the drama was not mine), the signing of a lease for someone that was approved. What could be dramatic about signing a lease you might ask? The tenant was described to me by his friend as “a little slow” (his words, not mine). This is apparently why the friend accompanied the tenant to all these viewings, etc. that had to happen thus far. When I met the tenant he seemed to me to be pretty capable and intelligent. The tenant has sisters whom I have also spoken to and gotten the impression that they feel the need to treat him as if he is a lot less capable than he really is. During the most recent conversation I had with a sister today I had to utilize my skills of redirecting and subtly enforcing boundaries regarding what she was wanting to share with me having to do with their family dynamics. It was tough. I felt as if I was sitting down with a client.
  4. Made positive contact with someone that I haven’t spoken to in some time…a couple of years to be exact. It was nice to hear from them. I have a tendency to continue to care about people regardless of what may have gone down in the past.
  5. Attempted to sell puppies on someone’s behalf. Specifically the puppies of the Holly lab that used to be mine, and sort of someone else’s at the same time. The Holly lab who is sadly not any part of mine today. But good god her puppies are adorable.
  6. Adjusted my crazy pill level. Funnily enough most of the above was done on the way to and on the way home from my med appt today.

I want an award. And p.s.; I made it perfectly on time to my appt even after having to transfer to five million busses that I have never taken before.

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And it goes a little something like this…

December 6, 2008 at 7:00 am · Filed under Dogishness, Health, Public Transportation

I think it started with Sadie’s seizure today. It was a bad one. Lasting a total of approximately one hour and 20 minutes. Normally I’m okay with handling them…I sit with her, hold her head, talk to her and eventually it stops. She doesn’t get them with any type of real regularity so according to the vets she doesn’t yet need meds for them. Halfway through today’s seizure though I saw blood. Origin? Her nose. She’s never had a seizure so bad it caused a nosebleed. This is a new, and not so exciting change. Another trip to the vet soon. Great.

 

Once she was stabilized I thought I would hike it up to Best Buy in Northgate in order to set right all my electronic stuff that Lucy ate when she got out of her kennel last week. I figured it would be a quick trip for a couple of things and I could get right back home and resume working on the cleaning of apts. Nope. That’s not exactly how the universe wanted it to happen today.

 

It might have gotten worse at Best Buy although I didn’t really notice it at the time. Being the holiday season there was, of course, 500 people there buying their rock hero Nintendo drums and guitars for Christmas. It took me forever to get help in order to find the particular power cords and adapters and the whole time I was walking around with these chewed on cords that I had brought with me to make sure I got the right things, all the while being sent to various sections of the store by various sales people that weren’t very helpful. But I made it through and made my way back to the transit center. I just started reading a new book and I was actually pleased about the bus ride home because it would have provided me the chance to melt into more of the story. I boarded the bus, chose a seat, and settled in. It was fine until we got to the freeway…and there was traffic…and for some reason I thought, a lot, about how there was no way I could exit the bus until we got downtown. Getting downtown was going to take a while considering the significant amount of traffic.

 

Anxiety is born in odd places. It started in my stomach and then as it gained strength moved to my throat which is where it carried my heart to hang out for a while…pounding. I couldn’t breathe right, I didn’t feel right, and the guy sitting kitty corner to me kept tapping his foot on the floor of the bus, which just made me feel worse, and I had to restrain myself from screaming at him to stop. Oh my god what if I die on this bus is what I was thinking. It’s crazy, I know. When we got to the bridge after what actually WAS forever, I thought, what if there is an earthquake while we’re sitting here and I can’t get off the bus, and my cell phone battery is almost dead and I can’t call anyone because the battery is so low that it will just die in the middle of the conversation and then I’ll die during an unfinished conversation. Bad. All bad. I started to cry and then got anxious that everyone on the bus would see me crying like a crazy person. I tried to breathe, I tried to picture things…I pictured being snuggled in bed and waking up in the morning just before my alarm, and just aware enough to know that Sadie was cuddled next to me and I had a few minutes to sleep…I pictured being on the phone with my mom while she was telling me some cute story about Jordan…I pictured being at Kaitrin’s talking about our day…and then we were off the freeway. And then I was actually getting off the bus on 3rd and Pike, and I was in fresh air and openness and it was good…for a while.

 

I, of course, lit a much-needed-at-the-time cigarette while waiting for the #2 on the other side of 3rd. While I was no longer actively in the middle of what seemed to be an anxiety attack I continued to think ridiculous, unreasonable thoughts. I realized (as horrible as it sounds) that I was in the middle of downtown Seattle among various people; various people including people that are way crazier than I. I thought about all the shootings that seem to take place more often than normal lately and started to worry about that, so I stood behind a light post until I was done with my cigarette and then I made sure to stand in the crowd waiting for the bus because in my brain I was thinking, if someone DOES start shooting I’m in a crowd and maybe it won’t hit me. Ridiculous, I know. Not to mention that every single bus that passed by was not going anywhere near Queen Anne where I so desperately wanted to be.

 

Eventually the bus came and I arrived safely, and alive, in my neighborhood…and then at home. But being at home and safe only did so much to make me feel better about the day. It’s not something easy to describe accurately, this whole anxiety thing. I only did a halfway good job of it in this post. The prevailing thought this evening after that whole ludicrous situation was, what if it gets worse? What if I get crazier as I get older? One thought was somewhat reasonable out of all of this. What if my crazy pills (read-anti-depressants, anti-anxiety) aren’t as effective anymore as they really should be?

 

So the end result of today is not just another vet appointment, but another doctor appointment as well. Lame.

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