Archive for October, 2008

Thursday Thirteen #12

October 29, 2008 at 1:09 pm · Filed under Bastard Corporations, Friends, Managing, Seattle, Thursday **13**, Work

THIRTEEN PLACES I’VE WORKED  Arranged as closely as possible in order from first to most recent. It wasn’t easy considering I’ve returned multiple times to various places of employment in my ‘gainful employment’ history.

1. Pittman Automotive: So, this wasn’t official employment in terms of legality. It was my Dad’s shop and my sisters and I would sometimes spend Saturday helping him clean up and he would pay us. It was more fun than anything else; he always took us out to breakfast first, he even had overalls for us to wear.

2. Ivar’s: I know. I was fifteen though, and I wanted some money. Jenny actually got hired there around the same time as I did, so we worked together for a long time, it was at Northgate and it was so long ago that it was actually its own restaurant rather than a piece of the food court puzzle. Jenny actually left before I did, but she didn’t go far. She left to work at the sporting/hat store that linked to our back room at Ivar’s. So she would routinely cross the hallway to steal food and hang out. It was actually the funnest job I’ve ever had despite how unbearable I smelled whenever I got off work. April’s mom tends to shop a lot and she would often swing by to say hi to me. One night she happened to come by when I was getting off work and offered me a ride home. She never, ever offered again even though I consistently saw her at the mall.

3. B&B Auto Parts: My sister Karen worked there and so I applied to be a cashier because I had given my notice at Ivar’s…after two years. It was fun to be there when she was there but we often didn’t work the same shift. And also, it was in Redmond. It was so boring to work there when she wasn’t there that eventually some Saturday I just didn’t show up because I had overslept at my boyfriends house. I called and made up some obviously lame excuse and they said it was probaby okay that I didn’t come back.

3. Deja Vu:   Wow it’s hilarious in a fabulous way that it’s on this list. My partner in crime in high school and I just thought it would be okay to work as waitresses. Why, I’m still not sure. But think it we did. So we applied and they called us to say we could come and try it out. We did. For one night. We didn’t intend it that way. At the end of our shift I somehow got stuck in the office alone with the manager. As I nervously eyed the door the same man that had sat on the couch all night with girls in his lap looked me up and down and said, “so when are you gonna start dancing?” I walked out of that office and out of that nasty place and never went back. Deja Vu printed a check with my name on it that never got cashed.

4. Fred Meyers: (Lake City and Aurora): I actually had a lot of fun at those places; I made friends. I met my Colin at Lake City.  

5. Espresso stand in Fred Meyer’s (Lake City and Aurora): Yes, I worked at both of the espresso stands. It was incredibly interesting to work there. Interesting in the way it would be to work at espresso stands where the managers always had unbelievable amounts of cash in their pocket and routinely had strange men coming by introducing themselves as ‘cousins’.

6. Starbucks: I worked at 145th, Ballinger, North Bend, Bothell, Lake City, 128th in Everett, and finally the Support Center. It was a reliable fallback and all in all I spent about ten years there. Although years of poor business decisions resulted in them firing a bunch of my friends, it will always have a sort of special place in my mind.

7. Burlington Coat Factory: I spent like two months there. It was awful and no one ever talked to each other. Hands down, the worst job I’ve ever had.

8 THS: I did my internship there and that’s where I met my P. Obviously, I returned.

9. Structure: It used to be its own store but is now “Express for Men”. Wonderfully, the same company owned Victoria’s Secret, Express, and Bath & Body Works which all gave us a discount.

10. Bath & Body Works: I worked at the Aurora one for a while, it was a second job (because I’m odd and always have to have two jobs).

11. CRC: I left THS for them after I did my internship. Huge mistake. I walked out on my manager after a few months.

12. Washington Mutual: I worked in the mortgage/loan department of customer service. Loans? Money? Me? Exactly. I was pleased as all get out when Starbucks corporate called and offered me a job. I completely quit at WAMU.

13. Foundation Group: My current second job. Though it most obviously adds to the stress of everything right now, you can’t put a price on not having to pay rent.

View others here.

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Civic duty

October 22, 2008 at 7:51 am · Filed under Fam, Friends, Governmentish, Health, Public Transportation

On Monday morning I reported for my civic duty in Kent, WA promptly at 8:00am. How I did this I’m still not quite sure considering I missed the bus that would have gotten me to the tunnel on time in order to catch the Kent bus on time so I had to cab it to the tunnel. I still didn’t make it in time to get the recommended bus via Metro Trip Planner but somehow, I ended up there in a timely fashion.

I reported at 8:00am Monday, arrived home not too long ago on Tuesday (today) and I can sincerely say that in all my life there has never been more of a waste of two days. Never. Really. Yesterday some of us got assigned to a potential juror pool and some of us didn’t. Those of us who didn’t were told that we would likely be picked for a potential juror pool the next day, today.

I spent most of yesterday doing a jigsaw puzzle that I eventually was able to recruit the whole table into doing. Today, same exact thing (we actually would have completed the entire puzzle except pieces were missing…that’s how long we all sat there).  They never called us. All day the rest of us sat there and finally they announced that we wouldn’t be called at all and could turn in our badges. Two days, for nothing. I never even got the chance to participate in the process of voir dire (which I learned all about in my psych/criminal justice class this year) and attempt to skillfully (e.g. without lying) get myself dismissed from either attorney wanting me on the jury. It was the only thing I had been halfway looking forward to about this whole hassle.

It didn’t stop there though. The best part was yet to come on the epic bus ride back to Seattle from Kent. A few stops after mine a bunch of kids got on and unfortunately sat right next to me. I say ‘kids’, which actually means teenagers, about 16 or so. The remainder of the ride, lasting almost 40 minutes, they managed to center the entire conversation around drugs, alcohol, and parties. They were creative about it though; so creative that I’m fairly sure most everyone else didn’t really get exactly what they were talking about. I tried to stop listening and bury myself in industrial psych, especially after one of the girls mentioned her plan to just get her GED after someone asked her whether she’d gone to school this week. It made me sad for a few reasons.

1. Their mannerisms and general behavior suggested that they didn’t come from absolutely terrible homes/families. Parents were mentioned at various points in the conversation and the tone of them being mentioned was positive. Sure, this doesn’t mean that everything was perfect at home but I couldn’t help wondering if the parents who had purchased their brand name clothes had any inkling that their children were regularly skipping school to do ecstasy, drink, and attend raves.

2. As ”bad” as my friends and I ever were at that age, I don’t think we were ever that bad. Despite whatever shenanigans we pulled in high school we all at least got out of there with a diploma. We went through high school with at least a little respect for the trouble we could inspire had our parents found out that we drank on a weekend or smoked pot at a friends house. We weren’t discussing how easy it might be to continue skipping class and just get a GED. We weren’t going to all night raves in junior year (or even senior year for that matter). And we most certainly didn’t engage in never ending conversations about all the drugs we thought it was so great to do (and if we had, we would have at least had enough shame to avoid doing so on public transportation). And we never would have sold drugs to our friends in public either. Wait, did I forget to mention that they were brokering oxycontins on the bus ride too? And the only reason I know that is because I’ve spent four years working with drug addicts; I knew exactly what they were talking about.

Most of the kids we went to school with were as “bad” as we were, which wasn’t really that bad, it was high school kid stuff; stuff that you’d expect and not be shocked about like I was schocked today. We at least waited until we were out of high school to spend a little time being worse.

Really, the worst part about it is that I noticed what was going on in my head and for just a second I thought about what I would have thought had someone talked to me at that age like I wanted to talk to them today. I would have sounded like ’that adult’. After I got over the imaginary scenario where I told them how stupid they were making themselves sound I thought about all the other stuff that I was thinking. The stuff of experience. Things like, ‘don’t you realize that if you take five or even more of anything that you should be seriously concerned with whether you’ll even live to skip school the next day’? Or even, ‘obviously it hasn’t occurred to you that if you are so high at a rave that you don’t even remember it, that’s when people have the chance to victimize you’.

Then I realized something; at that age, that’s what any of my friends would have said had I ever been in the same position as those girls I saw today. And I think that’s what made me the most sad. It’s really not how it was when I was younger, and when my parents were saying it to me when I was that age they were right, just as I’m right. I cannot imagine growing up in any of the generations after me and I’m glad I didn’t. And it causes me even more hesitance than I had before about even daring to ever have children.

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That’s completely it…

October 15, 2008 at 11:44 am · Filed under Angry, Dogishness, Fam, Friends, Health, Managing, Native American, School, Work

I’ve had it.

I’m fed up with feeling overwhelmed; I’ve grown miserably tired of feeling as if there are five thousand plates in the air that I can’t quite keep hold of; I can’t handle feeling so stressed out all the time. I think this is part of what this past Sunday helped me to realize. When I was at the women’s gathering this past weekend I realized that I couldn’t remember a time before that when I felt calm, peaceful, relaxed.

I can’t take it anymore. I can’t even answer text messages when I get them because it’s just too much. How pathetic is that? At work, there are various huge piles of paperwork on my desk and when I try to focus in order to sit down and take care of it all I get overwhelmed and weird and end up not being able to do a single thing. The fact that work is so busy at this time wouldn’t be so bad if when I got home it was calm and peaceful. But because there are a thousand things I have to do at home too, it’s not so peaceful.

For instance; I get overwhelmed when it’s time to walk the dogs. Ridiculous. I do not want the walking of my dogs to be the bain of my existence because, well, I love them.

When I come home and look at the various piles of personal/apt managing paperwork I have here, the same thing happens here that happens at work. I get so overwhelmed that I just can’t do anything. And then I end up where I’m at now…too much stuff to do…all at once.

For the next few weeks I am cancelling plans that are purely social. People may get upset, or annoyed and I realize that. But I just can’t do this any longer. It’s gotten progressively worse over the last few months, the whole trying to have two jobs, going to school, seeing my family, and seeing friends. It’s all piled up and now I have to sort it all out, and designate where I fit in again.

If I fail to do this I anticipate that I will probably get to the point where I get so fed up that I walk out on my job (NOT a desirable outcome in many ways), quit managing the apartments, and slowly become homeless. Not to mention giving up on school, which I refuse to do at this point. I’m too close to being done with at least this level.  

I do not wish to go crazy, and that’s why I have to slow down for a bit.

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Suicide, and talking; full circle

October 13, 2008 at 12:26 pm · Filed under Death, Fam, Friends, Health, Native American, Suicide, Therapeutic, Work

There is a right way to tell a story. There is a right way to take care of ourselves. Most of us, including myself, fail to do either.

When most of us tell stories they seem fairly centered around ourselves. Here and there the stories do involve others, but mostly they involve others purely as it pertains to ourselves. Keep in mind, these are very general statements and I do realize that. They’re meant to be general because overall, this seems to be the way it is in American “culture”.

Saturday I drug myself out of bed early in order to spend the morning walking for suicide prevention. After hopping a cab with my unruly puppy (I had woken up early, but certainly not early enough to take the bus) I arrived to greet my sister, Jen’s family, and our friends. It was comforting to be there with them for a while, and having a purpose for a few hours. The tears stayed away until the closing ceremonies at which time we were all encouraged to hold hands during the last part of the speaker’s words. Ironically I ended up on one side of Rachel holding hands with her. It was ironic (not in the true sense of the world obviously) due to the long standing grudge I’d held against her. Jen eventually thought it sort of funny and she would laugh it off. Odd how certain things tend to lose their importance after one single thing changes everything. I was glad to be there with her simply because, she cried a bit too. (P.S. The walk raised $40,000)

Today was spent entirely in the company of women. It was the perfect way to spend a Sunday. When I first agreed to accompany my sister to the women’s gathering at Daybreak a mental snapshot immediately clicked and it included quaintsy crafts and chatting. Incorrect on my part, I admit. It was so much more and precisely what I needed.

We started out with a talking circle. I am somewhat embarrassed to admit that when they announced that this was the plan I had no clue what to expect. What I participated in was this:

Everyone sits in a circle, generally with men to the North and women to the South. The conductor of the circle will generally sit in the East. A token, such as a feather or a special talking stick, is passed clockwise around the circle. As each person receives the token, they may speak for as long as they wish, including addressing a topic brought up by another in the circle. When they have finished, they pass the token along. If someone does not wish to speak, they simply pass the token. The token may go around several times; when everyone has had the opportunity to speak as many times as they wish, the conductor ends the circle.

We didn’t operate with a token today but it wasn’t necessary. There is an understanding of how things go and that is followed by everyone:

1) Only one person speaks at a time – only the person holding the feather or talking stick may speak. Dialogues are not part of the circle, as they can become confrontational.

2) Introduce yourself – it is polite to introduce yourself in the first round. Use your spirit name, if you have one; otherwise, use your given name.

3) Speak from the heart – the speaker should address the circle from the heart, and may speak for as long as they need to, with respect for the time of others.

4) Listen with respect – all people except the speaker listen attentively and give support to the speaker. Listening with the heart allows you to hear the true intent beneath what the speaker is saying. Listen in the way you expect others to hear you.

5) What is said in the circle stays in the circle – never repeat anything that is said within the circle, unless you have the permission of the speaker.

And the elders speak first, as they did today. It started with smudging which is a cleansing/spiritual ritual. The overall point of today was to focus on and talk about caring for ourselves as women. Only, the way storytelling goes is such that the women didn’t sit there and talk about x, y, and z on ways to care for the self. Stories included how families and tribes lived together and interacted; neighbors/cousins/friends loved so much as to add such a great chapter in someone’s life that they would remember decades later in order to pass on to someone else.

I met a woman who is in the process of putting her and her son’s life back together and is only nine days out of inpatient treatment. I met a woman that reminded me that where I’m at right now is maybe not the place that I want to continue being. Prior to applying to THS I actually sent a resume to the Seattle Indian Health Board. THS happened to call first and I accepted the job. A short time thereafter SIHB called me to ask if I could go in to interview and I told them that I had already accepted a job. I should have interviewed just for the heck of it, but I chose not to. I’m going to send them my resume again.

The issue of knowing loved ones that have committed suicide came up today when we were all talking and that’s when I realized that I actually belong in circles like that. Up until I went back to Michigan for our pow-pow I always thought that I didn’t really have a right to claim any part of Native American culture because, I don’t look Indian…out of my three sisters I think I look it least of all. In Michigan though, plenty of my Aunts and Uncles were what my Grandmother would have joked, blue-eyed blond haired Indians. I still didn’t really connect to it after that. Today I did. And things are sort of full circle.

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Maverick

October 3, 2008 at 10:26 am · Filed under Governmentish

I should have counted the amount of times she said it. Really. Well, in all actuality I should have played the drinking game while watching the debate. My favorite?:

Every time Palin mentions small town values, inquire about banning a Harry Potter book and bill yourself for your own rape kit.

Impressive.

My second favorite?:

Every time someone in the room says Palin seems like someone cool to have a beer with, stand up and yell “Goody Palin is a witch!”

Yeah; I find it funny.

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