Value: Pronunciation: 'val-(")yü Function: noun: 3 : relative worth, utility, or importance <a good value at the price> <the value of base stealing in baseball> <had nothing of value to say> Etymology: Middle English, worth, high quality, from Anglo-French, from Vulgar Latin *valuta, from feminine of *valutus, past participle of Latin valEre to be of worth, be strong
Moral: Pronunciation: 'mor-&l, 'mär- Function: adjective: 1 a : of or relating to principles of right and wrong in behavior : ETHICAL <moral judgments> b : expressing or teaching a conception of right behavior <a moral poem> c : conforming to a standard of right behavior d : sanctioned by or operative on one’s conscience or ethical judgment <a moral obligation> e : capable of right and wrong action <a moral agent>
Therapist: Pronunciation: 'ther-&-pist Function: noun: one specializing in therapy; especially : a person trained in methods of treatment and rehabilitation other than the use of drugs or surgery <a speech therapist>
I’m big on actual definitions. Definitions as defined by someone with the last name Merriam and/or Webster. Definitions that in the process of breaking down lead to better understanding of the actual meaning of an idea.
I now fully get why they want us to go to school for a zillion years prior to handing out licenses and degrees (you’re asking maybe, why I didn’t truly get that before…I have no answer to that except, it’s all a process).
We were talking tonight about a psychologist or psychiatrist who wrote a book on the premise that all too often nowadays therapists fail to challenge their clients to truly explore the values and beliefs that back the decisions they make and the conflicts they have. The particular example that was given involved a hypothetical client seeking help with their desire to get a divorce. Some took this to mean that by challenging people to explore their own values we put ourselves in a position to seem as if we’re placing a judgment on the decision they’re in conflict about. Ironically, where they took that idea is completely indicative of the attitude that the author was attempting to challenge. Funny.
Anyway, I reacted more strongly than I would have imagined to the resistance that challenging this idea brought up in some people. It’s then that I realized it…I am not an advocate of divorce. I’m just not. When my instructor suggested some of the questions that she might bring up for someone in that position my realization was cemented. Things like ‘what did the promise you made mean to you’…’what’s going on right now that brings you to the solution of divorce…is it enough to break a promise over or is it something you need to change in yourself in order to help the commitment work?’ Valid questions, all of them. The crux of it is that you’re not goading someone into a decision that benefits your own values…but you’re doing your job by facilitating a place where they feel safe in exploring that stuff in order to get to a point where they’re really resolved in the decison they make, regardless of which way they choose to go.
What gets to me even more is a scenario where children are involved. Children do better in two parent homes as long as they are not abusive or unhealthy homes. It’s pretty much a given fact.
Most likely if someone seeks therapy or help in a situation like this they are not going to be personally challenged to explore their own values and they are not going to be encouraged to resolve the conflict for themselves in order to make a decision that is the most beneficial to not just them, but everyone else involved. We are a me society. We are a society that accepts (and even encourages) individuals making choices to have free reign in neglecting their obligation to explore the affect they will have on others. I get the difference, though, that a couple of people didn’t really get…it’s one thing to challenge the decision and give the perception of judgment…but it’s an entirely different thing to challenge the person to really explore themselves and what they believe to be correct and to do so in a manner that doesn’t cause someone to feel judged.
This is what I’m supposed to be doing now…figuring this stuff out and nailing down what it is that I believe. I realize that.
It just really hit me like a ton of bricks that I am anti divorce unless it is really a situation of necessity for obvious reasons. I always thought I was a me person too you know (even though I grew up in the pacifier role of my family and still tend to do that in certain relationships)…do what makes you happy when it comes down to it and everyone else be damned. Turns out I’m not really that way when it comes to these types of issues.
