Strbellysneetch’s Weblog

Value: Pronunciation: ‘val-(")yü Function: noun: 3 : relative worth, utility, or importance <a good value at the price> <the value of base stealing in baseball> <had nothing of value to say> Etymology: Middle English, worth, high quality, from Anglo-French, from Vulgar Latin *valuta, from feminine of *valutus, past participle of Latin valEre to be of worth, be strong

Moral: Pronunciation: ‘mor-&l, ‘mär- Function: adjective: 1 a : of or relating to principles of right and wrong in behavior : ETHICAL <moral judgments> b : expressing or teaching a conception of right behavior <a moral poem> c : conforming to a standard of right behavior d : sanctioned by or operative on one’s conscience or ethical judgment <a moral obligation> e : capable of right and wrong action <a moral agent>

Therapist: Pronunciation: ‘ther-&-pist Function: noun: one specializing in therapy; especially : a person trained in methods of treatment and rehabilitation other than the use of drugs or surgery <a speech therapist>

I’m big on actual definitions. Definitions as defined by someone with the last name Merriam and/or Webster. Definitions that in the process of breaking down lead to better understanding of the actual meaning of an idea.

I now fully get why they want us to go to school for a zillion years prior to handing out licenses and degrees (you’re asking maybe, why I didn’t truly get that before…I have no answer to that except, it’s all a process).

We were talking tonight about a psychologist or psychiatrist who wrote a book on the premise that all too often nowadays therapists fail to challenge their clients to truly explore the values and beliefs that back the decisions they make and the conflicts they have. The particular example that was given involved a hypothetical client seeking help with their desire to get a divorce. Some took this to mean that by challenging people to explore their own values we put ourselves in a position to seem as if we’re placing a judgment on the decision they’re in conflict about. Ironically, where they took that idea is completely indicative of the attitude that the author was attempting to challenge. Funny.

Anyway, I reacted more strongly than I would have imagined to the resistance that challenging this idea brought up in some people. It’s then that I realized it…I am not an advocate of divorce. I’m just not. When my instructor suggested some of the questions that she might bring up for someone in that position my realization was cemented. Things like ‘what did the promise you made mean to you’…’what’s going on right now that brings you to the solution of divorce…is it enough to break a promise over or is it something you need to change in yourself in order to help the commitment work?’ Valid questions, all of them. The crux of it is that you’re not goading someone into a decision that benefits your own values…but you’re doing your job by facilitating a place where they feel safe in exploring that stuff in order to get to a point where they’re really resolved in the decison they make, regardless of which way they choose to go.

What gets to me even more is a scenario where children are involved. Children do better in two parent homes as long as they are not abusive or unhealthy homes. It’s pretty much a given fact.

Most likely if someone seeks therapy or help in a situation like this they are not going to be personally challenged to explore their own values and they are not going to be encouraged to resolve the conflict for themselves in order to make a decision that is the most beneficial to not just them, but everyone else involved. We are a me society. We are a society that accepts (and even encourages) individuals making choices to have free reign in neglecting their obligation to explore the affect they will have on others. I get the difference, though, that a couple of people didn’t really get…it’s one thing to challenge the decision and give the perception of judgment…but it’s an entirely different thing to challenge the person to really explore themselves and what they believe to be correct and to do so in a manner that doesn’t cause someone to feel judged.

This is what I’m supposed to be doing now…figuring this stuff out and nailing down what it is that I believe. I realize that.

It just really hit me like a ton of bricks that I am anti divorce unless it is really a situation of necessity for obvious reasons. I always thought I was a me person too you know (even though I grew up in the pacifier role of my family and still tend to do that in certain relationships)…do what makes you happy when it comes down to it and everyone else be damned. Turns out I’m not really that way when it comes to these types of issues.

#Vegas bans smoking?

#That moment when you realize that if someone weren’t around anymore, you’d miss them forever. Indefinitely

#Getting an A on a test you thought for sure you’d fail because math will never be a strong point.

#That moment when you realize that the chance you never had with someone because you’re destined to live with their rejection, was possibly the best thing for you-and you just didn’t realize it at the time. Sometimes it takes forever to realize that.

#That a half hour whining to your supervisor about how much you hate doing groups and have no desire to be good at them would result in the supervisor saying that if we’re at a good staffing point that someone else might be able to do them. :)

#That "Feminism is Bad For Your Health". But to take it one step further, that feminists would take what is supposed to be an eye catching title (hello media!) to insinuate that what they’re "maliciously" saying is that equality is bad. Everything in moderation girls. Seriously.

#That I would pay again for my flickr account because I missed it so much

But oh my goodness I hate math.

There will never be a time in my life that I appreciate or enjoy it.

It makes me violent.

I had actually forgotten what it was like. In only a few years.

What we are told in school is that when a client ‘gets’ to you in some way it is usually due to the fact that they’ve hit upon some soft spot of yours that has nothing to do with them. For a split second your mind turns them into someone or something that you’ve dealt with before (usually unsuccessfully if they’re able to ‘get’ to you somehow). If you’re not careful and not aware you tend to intertwine that issue with them which is unhealthy and unfair to them.

Today was hard. Today marked the first day I had a client in my office crying (sobbing) since I’ve been back. One of the most uncomfortable things in the world (if you’re not adjusted to it) is to sit with someone from a somewhat objective spot and be with them when they’re in the midst of turmoil or trauma. It is even more difficult to do so while maintaining your own center because if you fail to do that you’re not effective for them in any way shape or form. I can’t believe I forgot.

She got to me. I found myself wanting to fix things for her, to make it better. For just a split second I was looking at my mother, or a sister, doing what I do with my family which is to want to just fix everything and make them all happy. It’s fascinating really, because if those thoughts are allowed to progress it’s like walking through a wind tunnel where you can’t hear or focus on anything but the wind.

I never would have figured that I would say something like, ‘it’s so difficult to not fix everything for people’.

 I ended up getting invited to a bachelor’s party while I was waiting for Colin to fly in. Really. I wasn’t even the entertainment. Good thing he’s flying in first this time. :)

I know I said at one time that I was done with Vegas & Vegas was done with me…but my Colin is going and things are fun with him, so I’m going. I’ll be Easter egg hunting at Caesars Palace; I haven’t stayed there yet, it will be a first. Also…

I’LL BE SLEEPING OVER A HUUUGE MALL THE WHOLE WEEKEND!

It’s just too good to be true. I can’t wait. An entire weekend away…not working, not doing homework, & not doing things I’m obligated to do.

Thanks J, for helping me take a mini vacation. :)