let me begin by giving proper credit to those it is due to. you’ll see why in a moment.colin-you are one of the only close male friends i have/have had who has never engaged in the following:
1. getting weird/dramatic/mental on me
2. over-stepping boundaries
at this moment in time i appreciate that more than you know.
billy bean & favorite-although we are not really close friends, i can say the same about you. and i thank you for that.
i never once dreamed that i would say what i am about to say-most of my life i have subscribed to the ideal that ‘relationships are what people make them’. this is true for the most part. however…
in general (this is my disclaimer so that i am not accused of making a blanket statement), i don’t feel that most heterosexual men and women can be ‘just friends’ and have it work out successfully. this is not to include: work friends, organization/club friends, friend’s ex’s (since they are off limits for romance anyway) and acquaintances (friends of friends). of course, this is simply how i feel-and maybe you could chalk it up to some of the particular friends i’ve chosen (i.e. chosen badly). it’s how i feel nonetheless. and again, of course, i don’t feel that all men/women friend relationships are subject to this.
for the most part, most of the male friends i’ve tried to have, have at some point gone weird. for example, there was the friend that felt as if in our relationship, it was acceptable to act in a controlling manner. when i pointed out how i felt, he stormed out of the chosen venue for said talk without a word and i never heard from him again. obviously, in light of such a display of defensiveness, my feelings were correct.
another example. i think at some point, some male friends, realizing that they’ll never have more of you than ‘just a friend’ find an excuse or create a situation to end the “friendship”. usually, it’s a ridiculous situation that at the very least, provides comedy for other friends who get to share in it. many times, there is a lesson packed in there somewhere. however, sometimes, even though humor can be found in the situation…it hurts a little. regardless of how ridiculous their reasoning for doing so is, when someone that used to call themselves a friend attacks you personally, it’s going to get you where it counts (which is, of course, the reason people do that).
i am also taking the following out of a recent situation:
=true friends do not hide the fact that something offended them for an eternity…they are direct with you & share this with you at the time-& then you both move on. if something offended them but they choose to look past it, they never share it with you. they definitely do not pretend that everything is great for a while only to send a scathing email attacking your entire person. (can we say, passive-aggressive at its finest?)
=true friends can have a differing view on something than you and agree to disagree without personalizing it.
=true friends do not take their personal issues out on you.
=true friends are there when they are needed. when you say you need them, their response is usually something like, i’ll be there, with no hesitation. they will sit with you for a while and let you cry without even asking questions…without even knowing what’s wrong. they will sometimes hug you while you do this. they will do you the kindness of telling you the truth, all the while being careful to spare your feelings while they tell you their truth. when the time is right, they might tell you a joke to make you smile. (thank you, j, that i get to take this away from the situation as well.)
i am so fortunate, to have so many of that last kind of friend. and if you know you’re that kind of person to me…please know that i appreciate you more than words could really express.
Labels: Men
