http://www.komotv.com/kenschram/story.asp?ID=38831
not only because my mom dated his brother for a long time who was a great guy…although he passed a long time ago.
there’s also this…http://www.king5.com/localnews/stories/NW_082905WAB_Seattleonly_starbucksLJ.66aad1b.html
why can’t people just leave well enough alone?
my apartment also makes me sad. the fact that i probably won’t be able to afford to move into anything other than ANOTHER apartment makes me realize that i probably actually will be stuck there for another god-knows-how-long. what’s the point of moving into yet another apt? my mom suggested maybe i could at least move apartments when she heard the obnoxious children screaming and running around in the background when i was on the phone with her. i see her point & actually thought about it for a second, but what a huge hassle just because other people can’t control and supervise their children. i should tell them that i’m going to start charging them for when their kids walk up onto my porch and for when they hang around when we’re trying to relax in the evenings.
although i’m not quite sure who “you” is. maybe myself. maybe everyone i’ve ever talked to about relating to another person in any capacity.
exactly what sense does it make to continue searching for ways to live for someone and incorporate them more and more into your life when they haven’t committed anything further to you than ‘this moment’?
there are too many things i don’t like right now. my mom makes me sad, my family makes me sad, my lack of family makes me sad (that might make sense to maybe one person), my job lately makes me sad. it makes me sad that i had to cancel my appt. tonight because i’m trusting my instincts rather than plowing on right through and potentially wasting time with the wrong person. it makes me sad that i have to start over with someone else and i’m not any closer to feeling okay. the golf ball stuck in my chest feeling is still there most of the time.
my dad came over for dinner with j and i last night which was really nice. it was nice to spend time with him where it’s quiet and not 500 people are around to make him agitated and snappy (which he can get like sometimes). i showed him a bunch of stuff i’d kept over the years from when i was younger, that was nice too.
to make me want to stay at home and cry all weekend.
this has got to stop.
anxiety symptoms
*sleeping troubles
*specific obsessions over stressful topics
*difficulty thinking about anything besides a stressful topic
*feeling tense, restless, jittery, or dizzy.
*having trouble concentrating
*fluctuations in appetite
*being overly cautious
*being startled easily
*having an omnipresent feeling of impending danger or disaster.
Generalized anxiety disorder is defined as a period of uncontrolled worry, nervousness and anxiety for six months or more. The anxiety may initially focus on a specific worry (relationships, career, or finances, for example), or may present as a vague anxiety about almost anything. Accompanying irritability is very common. Physical symptoms often develop, including muscle pain, insomnia, trembling, and gastro-intestinal problems.
depression symptoms
*constant feelings of sadness, irritability, or tension
*decreased interest or pleasure in usual activities or hobbies
*loss of energy, feeling tired despite lack of activity
*a change in appetite, with significant weight loss or weight gain
*a change in sleeping patterns, such as difficulty sleeping, early morning awakening, or sleeping too much
*restlessness or feeling slowed down
*decreased ability to make decisions or concentrate
*feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, or guilt
*thoughts of suicide or death
yes. i would like to say more about what we talked about but all i could do was look stuff up and say ‘yes’. she said that i should go see a psychiatrist as well. good idea i suppose.
more later.
