Strbellysneetch’s Weblog

“I know you get all those bristly things up when i call you my minion, but it feels right as the most affectionate term i can think of. There are many other words i have used in my mind to describe you.. a shining spirit, a jewel, a soft cuddly girl. Yet, my minion feels the best to describe how close i feel to you when we are together and when we are not for extended periods, as in the recent past.

You often remark on what i give you.. You must know that what you give me is also very precious. Because of you, i have strength and feelings of energy flowing between us that is rare for extended periods with most people. We have been able to sustain these expressions of our relationship for years now.

As i have remarked to you, the streams of intimacy are akin to a traditional D/s relationship. However, it’s not and that lends it’s own challenges. For example, you get to spend a whole lot of time making decisions that i would just love to take care of for you. That is what you want and i respect that. In many ways, i see that this is actually the best way for you as you move forward in your self-growth.

The purpose of this entry, sweetie, is to publicly state how much i love and care for you and to etch in stone that you are always part of my family and in my heart.

I’ll see you at midnight.”
attitude: grateful

even though she didn’t get to see me at midnight. because i’m too impatient with life to really look at something and get it right. hmm. i wonder if that describes the bigger picture in my life as well. whatever. i figured since it was “public” and all i could post it on my journal for all the world to see. it’s public already though i suppose.

i needed that. i get lost in the insecurity of relationships sometimes. and sometimes we can know something, but doubt it a little at the same time simply because we haven’t heard it in a while.

i have never had a friend quite like my pat. probably there will be no one after her who can be quite the same either.

vegas was great. although i don’t have time to write about it at all now…among other things i want to mention. since i have no computer i have to steal time at work. it’s like 3:20 and i’m sick of being here. i’ll just leave it at that. vegas was great.

now that’s a healthy dinner.

although, seeing as how my sinuses are working overtime as a result of breathing compilation of 26 years of dust for the past two days, i’m sorely lacking an appetite.

we’re finally clearing out the house so it can be cleaned up and sold. it’s a little painful and not just because of my allergies.

i’ve gotten to walk through my childhood again; in the company of my sisters and mom. i got to see my mom’s baby clothes, shoes and baby books. pictures of her and her sisters when they were young, and when my grandparents were young as well. i got to see the newspaper article from jfk’s funeral. i found my cabbage patch dolls, barbies and moon shoes. all the books i used to read over and over again; the ones i used to read to escape. holiday dresses for a year old version of me, little ruffled tights, baby shoes and the mobile that my mother hung over my crib. i wish that somehow we were able to be aware when we are that age of how much we should appreciate it. i know we’re not supposed to be sad about days past, but sometimes i wish i could go back to that again, when everyone was young and my mother was not sick.

i’m starting to suspect that there was a subconscious reason why i’ve left so much stuff behind every time i’ve moved in and out of that house. my suspicion is raised because of everything i’ve found that wasn’t from my childhood. a whole bunch of stuff that i had forgotten even existed. utah stuff that i had shoved in boxes so as not to look at it. north bend stuff that i left there when i moved to mountlake terrace, stuff that wasn’t even mine. i think i wanted to avoid dealing with it.

we’re not even close to being done.

my allergies are worse than they’ve ben in a long time.