Strbellysneetch’s Weblog

so i’m in reno…and as per usual must obsessively check e-mail and/or journals. which is actually okay today because none of us got to sleep until 6am this morning. i say “us” because colin has a roommate now…his name is pablo…he’s honduran. nice guy.

it’s been snowing ever since i stepped off the plane…it’s real cold. i miss sadie a lot.

had a blast last night…we went out to some lounge place where someone was “spinning” and hung out there most of the night.

met a crackhead, although was unaware of it when i first met him. cute guy…had the whole messy hair, musician thing going on. intelligent; we talked for most of the night. at some point in our conversation he mentioned something about his use of amphetamines. don’t quite know how it came up…it just did. danger. at least for me. i didn’t even realize it might be a danger; i figured, i just stopped a long time ago at a certain point, no big deal. the situation just never came up again. but there was someone, right in front of me that probably had it on him as we were talking the whole time. i’m really not happy with what went on in my head from that point on. there was rationalizing…i’m away from home, i’m on vacation…i “was never really addicted” so if i didn’t have some huge problem with it what’s wrong with one time. i got weird and anxious.

i told him no. i told him if i ever saw him again not to bring it around me. i explained what i did for a living and said that i love my job too much to do something that is really not morally sound for me to do while doing that job. interestingly enough he said ’so it’s because you love your job, not yourself’. it sounded like something my pat would bring up. i think maybe he had a point…perhaps i don’t love myself enough yet for that to be the sole reason to abstain from something destructive. whatever the case, if my job was the only reason last night that i said no to it, thank god for my job then.

i am constantly realizing things about myself. some of them are things i don’t really want to realize.

we’re going to a halloween party tonight…colin and some of his friends are dressing up as pimps. heh. we’re staying in a suite with a jacuzzi and all that jazz. yay.

i got to play with one of colin’s new toys today. i got to drive the bmw. i love that car now. i want it. he always has lots of man toys; if i was here last weekend i could have ridden the jet ski. colin is funny…he’s like the ultimate bachelor.

the snow is really coming down now.

we’re going there this weekend too. YAY.

SF is my favorite city by far. so far we are staying in a hotel tomorrow night, friday night…then driving to SF on saturday. i need to do this. i need to go and just devote an entire (elongated) weekend to fun with a friend. i will take lots of pictures and put them everywhere in my apt. so that when i’m having a stupid weekend i can look fondly back on this one.

maybe i will just stay in san francisco and not come back. hmmm. oh…i almost forgot…chewymah lives in SF. maybe i will run into him. maybe i will stop at his sbux and say hi. neat. althought i forgot which one he works at.

i can’t wait to leave but i feel like there are so many things i’m forgetting to do. hm. i’ll have to try to get out of work early tomorrow. maybe i will just go in really early so i can jet out after tx team.

i can’t wait.

it’s like the 6 degrees of everyone. it’s not just kevin bacon that it’s true for.

i went to a halloween party last night hosted by a friend of an ex’s sister. i went merely because i knew ahead of time that said ex would not be there. all in all i had great fun…despite the strangeness.

it began when i walked into the house and glanced briefly at the pictures on the refridgerator…i could have sworn that one of the guys pictured on there was a friend of one of my really good friends hunter. i dismissed it because it would have been such a weird connection. only two seconds later i saw cami, who is married to kenny, friend of hunter who led me into the garage where there sat hunter. 6 degrees of everyone. also in attendance was ex’s other cousin and youngest brother, and accordingly audrey’s youngest sister since the two now live together (audrey who is my ex best friend).

i had words with angela, audrey’s youngest sister. i did a good job of avoiding her for most of the time she was there due to rumors she had spread around that put me and someone else in a rather unfavorable light (that apparently while ex had begun to date his now wife, he was still seeing me). she tried talking to me at one point…it was not the kind of conversation one might think it would be after not seeing or speaking with someone for a long time. no ‘what have you been doing’, ‘what’s happened lately’. it was ‘yah my dad bought daniel and me a house…and you know nate’s married now’. thank you, i was not aware that someone i had dated for a very long time is now married to the person that he dated directly after me. i wanted to hit her. instead i just walked away from her. i waited until she was leaving so as not to cause trouble in someone else’s home, to say something in my defense. when i explained to her that i didn’t appreciate things like that being said because i’m much better than that and so is the other person in question, she just tried to make it seem like someone was blaming the whole thing on her. right. whatever. i was just glad to have said something about it. selfishly, i really didn’t want something like that to be true, only because there are two people that after having dated i still have managed to hold a favorable opinion of…he’s one of them. i really don’t want that number to drop to just one. just one person that after having a relationship experience with i can stand.

i had a really fun time as i said, but at the same time it was all just weird…it all hit a little too close to home. i haven’t been to an actual ’social setting’ party in what feels like years. and i realized last night that my life, the longer i live in seattle or the surrounding areas, continues to just become a spider web of all the people i know.

people say that you can’t run from memories…even if you move you still carry them with you. true to a point. i believe you can though…you can at least run somewhere where the memories don’t have actual faces that stare back at you frequently during your lifetime.

hawaii, here i come…someday.

was too strange to even discuss at this moment in time.

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i’m going to ‘aggressively’ hunt down the bastard that stole my purse last night and beat him senseless with his own appendages.

people suck.