Strbellysneetch’s Weblog

may the best diva win.

i’m absolutely fascinated by this.

it’s not what you came to hear.
not even close
to what i wanted to say.
stories
of being better off alone
i can thrive
in the absence of your opinions,
like growing up all over again
without a spanking
to show me where to go.
you didn’t know
how easy it would be for me to walk away

there is now a reality t.v. show about divas. divas for gods sakes.

not quite ready to explain the weirdness of the other evening. it’s my secret. it’s been a while since i’ve had a secret of my own that i didn’t share with anyone. it’s nice.

not quite ready to have the conversation to end all conversations with darren. i’ve discussed the issue with a couple of friends…i’m not the only one who sees the control. it makes me feel a little stronger in my convictions when i actually sit down to talk to him about it that it’s not just my out of whack perception…my perception this time is actually in whack. as i’ve already said (and again, a couple of friends have agreed) the control was always there…i think previously i just ignored it. i’m done ignoring it. my good friend hunter pointed out tonight that he’s not even a boyfriend…not that a boyfriend even has space to be telling me under what circumstances i should or shouldn’t be speaking to people (i should know), but someone who has identified themselves as “just a friend” has even less space to be attempting to do so. kenny also pointed out the other night regarding the whole george issue…that it’s not george he’s upset about losing, it’s me. i have to be the bigger person here (besides what’s on my own agenda of maintaining my perogative to make my own personal decisions) and realize that maybe it’s too disrupting to his life as well to keep me as a friend.

maybe i’ll want to deal with it tomorrow…then again maybe not. i have to return to work tomorrow. i have so enjoyed having all this free time to myself to do whatever i pleased. too bad it’s over.

i have done absolutely nothing productive all day. not a thing. i sat at alfy’s and listened to people talk about cash handling policies and new starbucks stores. i rode in a car with my friend to look at his apt. that was it. i have sat here for most of the afternoon on line, getting misplaced in cyber space. i rated people on hot or not for almost 45 minutes. my god.

i was going to do laundry today. i really don’t feel like doing that. i was going to write a note and send pictures to paws of sadie to let them know how she’s doing. i don’t feel like finishing that. i was going to take the pup down to edmonds to run around…i’m working up the energy and motivation to do that. i was going to organize my avon stuff. nope. i was also going to do some internet searches for the topic that i have to do phase I about this week (denial)…i’ve been on the computer aaaaallll day and haven’t gotten my lazy fingers to type in a 6-word search anywhere. what is this bullshit?

i wonder if part of the reason i’ve been online all day is to avoid hearing the phone ring. maybe it’s nothing that deep…i’m just a big lazy slug today. it was fairly nice out today too. what a waste i’ve been today.

at least i’ve figured out the whole yahoo mess. i accomplished one thing. although i’ve had the same station on the radio the whole day and have heard the same 6 songs over and over. it’s making me nuts.

i’m going to get out of the house now.